with your crosseyed smile
crosseyed smile
and American eyes
American eyes
your devil's device
devil's device
turn on your magic machine, and make my heart bleed
you're pony rider
baby don't you know it
you're a pony rider
born to blow it
you'll choke a baby to death
just to taste its last breath

you're like a bloodthirsty beast
bloodthirsty beast
with a flesh eating disease
flesh eating disease
i want a piece of your pie
piece of your pie
i want to take that pony ride
pony ride
with the powers of hell on our side
yeah the powers of hell on our side

you're a pony rider
baby don't you know it
you're a pony rider
you were born to blow it
you're a pony rider
baby don't you know it
you're a pony rider
born to blow it
choke a baby to death
just to taste its last breath
pony rider
pony rider.
riding through a forest of flame
pony rider
lost in a desert of shame
pony rider
riding through a forest of flame
pony rider
lost in a desert of shame
crosseyed smile
and Derrican eyes
Derrican eyes-Derrick's eyes/Shane, take out the trash

"I would have filled my thinking with vice and blood to stretch logic to unheard of dimensions, as large as worlds that are dying."
-Emil Cioran

Delete yourself.

Eastbound and Down is a great show, and I think it's hilarious that it's set in Shelby, NC. You know what else is set in Shelby, NC?:



RIP Robert Elmore.

Hi, I'm Herbie Bobak here to talk about Herbie's Budget Petsecutions. Is it time for your cherished pet to die, but you don't have the heart to put him or her to rest yourself? Let me do the job. I drive a red Honda Element, and I will visit your home and happily run over your cat,dog,ferret,or snake with my rear passengers' side tire for $20 (cash and checks only). I will listen to the Blue Oyster Cult album Club Ninja on my car stereo system while killing your animal. I also sell pet caskets, and will gladly provide a brief pet funeral service for the small fee of $45. The service includes a eulogy, burial, and closing hymn of your choice (30 to choose from, though I am learning more all the time). I thoroughly clean up any messes made at the site, and I have a hatchet to use in any situations where an animal does not die immediately after being run over (happens approximately 8% of the time, based on my experiences.) Waiting to have your pet euthanized at the vet can be awkward, time-consuming, and expensive. Why not use me for your animal companion killing needs? Call 919-555-4234 or visit www.herbiesgonnakillem.com for appointments and more information.

I'll try to get over this dead/tortured pet thing soon.

I love the Britney song "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know." It reminds me of:

-babysitters I had in the 90s
-Kool Park Pool
-A girl I used to know named Brittany who shared my love of trashy pop nonsense and how we schemed to get free tickets to a K-Fed show.

Even if you don't like the song, the music video is fantastic because Britney is not wearing much and is writhing around. Kinda like always, except more tasteful and with zero hip-hop nonsense going on.

Master of Art


There was a kid I knew and looked up to who moved away like 15 years ago. I was worried he would become a terrible frat douchetard. Now I see on facebook that he's a fan of Stars of the Lid. Turned out just fine I guess.

You. Human scum. A worthless, pathetic collection of worthless hopes and desires. Forget yourself. Destroy yourself. You have nothing to live for. Nothing has any meaning. Nothing can be achieved. You are traveling towards death. Things change, but never for better or worse. Even death will change nothing. There’s no way out. No way to escape yourself. You have no control over your mind. You cannot stop your thoughts. They pour in from the world, they well up inside, they whisper, plead and lie to you. Your mind will destroy you. It produces hallucinations, desires, uncontrollable urges to do the impossible. The repulsive. You will eat shit, you’ll fuck animals and dead children, you’ll compulsively lie, cheat and destroy. You will be god. You will rule over humanity and destroy it. You’ll dream of power, of money, of genius, you’ll be famous, you will die in the gutter. You will do or be none of these. You long to stop this thoughts. Yet you cannot destroy them. Your mind is in constant turmoil. It rules you. You tell yourself it lies, but still you believe. You want to love. To be loved. But you hate those you long to love. You long to kill those you love. You love those you kill. You have no control over any of your actions. You know what you are doing, but not why you do it. You decide you’ll do the one thing, and then do the opposite. You are driven to do what you’ll never understand. You think but you remain outside your thoughts. You act, but your actions have no effect on you. You watch yourself as though watching an inexplicable stranger. You hurt yourself. You ridicule yourself. You hate others so they will hate you. You place yourself in situations that will cause you mental and physical harm, but you deny the harm it does you. The harm implies good and bad and you have destroyed both the good and the bad in yourself and everything around you. Everything is a lie, so everything is true, so anything is possible. You cannot stop your thoughts. You cannot stop moving. You cannot stop time. Everything is unbearable. Everything is equally unbearable. The empty nothingness of life presses into your mind like a barb of jagged metal. It torments you constantly. It's presence reminds you constantly of the possibility of its absence. Its emptiness reminds you constantly of the possibility of its being filled. Yet if it existed completely than you would no longer exist. You would have no conception of yourself. You would have no self-awareness. You would be nothing but an animal. Empty flesh. You are continually reminded that the degradation of life is painful as if you are continually whipped by your master. You are whipped to remind you that you exist. And you are whipped to make you nothing, to end your existence. To release you from all that you wish you are not. It will never end. You will never change. You enjoy it, for you need pain as you need pleasure. They both give you a glimpse of the infinite. They release you from life by intensifying it to such an extreme that it can no longer exist within itself. You scream. You frantically beat your body, you tear at your flesh, you piss and shit constantly, you vomit, eat it, vomit again, but still none of these give you a sense of your own reality. Nothing locks you irretrievably into the presence, into your flesh in this world, which you watch slowly evolve. Unceasing, blemished by humanity of which you are the most insignificant part. You are nothing. A fragment of awareness obsessed by its own importance. You exult yourself. You feel pity for yourself as you wallow in self-satisfied self-hatred. You flatter yourself in dreams of becoming or ceasing. You all think you are special, different. You are nothing. You are human, filth, worthless. You will never change. You will never die. You will die continuously until the world ends. Death will not save you. There is no way out. There is no hope.

You read facts about Whitney Houston to induce diarrhea.

Your strong affinity for your alma mater's successful sports team indicates that you are a "good" person in every sense of the word.

We are going to play Candyland with some characters from a Jack Ketchum novel.

There were 6 pet stores in town. Every 2 months I would go to a different one, purchase a puppy, take it home, let it scamper around for about 5 minutes, and then I would shoot it in the head with my 44 magnum. The dog always died instantly, and thankfully never left too much of a mess on the floor. I kept their little corpses in some glass aquariums that were stored in the basement workroom. Yes it stunk like all hell down there, yes there were maggots and other nasty bugs, but I kept it under control. I had sprays, vinegar traps, incense, and I put my kids on workroom cleaning duty when they'd been bad. You can do all the grounding, time out, spanking you want; nothing will teach a child to shape up more than having them be the janitor in a room with dozens of dead puppies.